The world is fundamentally different today

Dear Nisha,

I see the world fundamentally different today than I saw it yesterday.

There's a loneliness; a constant burning in my chest that makes it hard to breath.

And the only thing that will cure it is the soothing ointment of physical affection.

But I've been trained now, if I seek it out from another, then he too will give his away.

But if I seek it out from him, I will be denied.

So I have nothing.

Nothing but myself to blame for staying here, in destitution.

My own poverty of spirit making it too difficult to get up and walk out.
Sleeping on the streets, they see me as a lady of the night.

And this weekend, I saw myself that way too.

And I'm tired of it, so I live in this halfway house. The affection is given to me from a soup ladle, one scoop in the morning, one scoop at night.

You can see my haggardness. No one wants to take a chance on someone as haggard as me.

One scoop in the morning.
One scoop in the evening.

Give me a chance. It doesn't need to be permanent. Just enough to fill my hungred haunches. To put some life on these bones. To put some flush into my cheeks.

Aren't I good enough? It would be nice if I could stay there in perpetuity, but I just dream of a chance to hope again.

Could I save myself?

I had given up yesterday.

Alone in silence, surrounded by friends.

empty




Maybe I'll build that computer. Maybe I'll make the connections I long for. Maybe I'll prove to myself I deserve that chance.


or maybe

i'll just





give up