When I told my family about how Taka dumped me....well, each and everyone of them said "I'm sure you guys can work this out."
I'm not even kidding you.
In America, if you tell your friend that a friend dumped you, they say "It's time to move on."
I'm not sure how to take this news.
I asked if we could meet to talk, and he said yes! After my trip to Pakistan that is. I don't know how he'll feel or what we'll talk about. But my brother said that as long as I can "keep it chill" then it may work.
My Dad confirmed..."Just don't get emotional! Show him your strong and you're worth it. The fact that my dad actually liked the sound of one of my boyfriends it in of itself makes my jaw drop. "Would you like me to fly out and meet him?" He asks me, knowing that Taka and I are currently broken up...hang on, dad. Let me see if I can even get back together with him.
In my experience, if you are completely honest with the other person and also keep trying, the relationship will keep going. But just like the undead rising, the resulting creature is unpredictable and entirely different from what you started with.
In that moment of hoping and wanting, you are faced too with the truth of yourself. I remember, after begging my ex to get back together with me, he asked "Do you really think it will work?" and then I knew my tears and crying were for a lost dream, not a lost man. It was the death of the innocence of true love and your only one.
But with Taka....it was 6 months of no fights and joy. We never spent a day together that wasn't enjoyable until the week before he broke up with me. But it wasn't his fault, it was me. I usually sequester myself when I have PMS, but this week we had a trip planned, and so we needed to go. And we got into a fight. And then...it was over.
I mean, I know....some people talk to their partners about their behavior rather than just assuming the worst and bailing. But...enough people have told me that I need to work on the hyper emotions that it doens't even matter. It's my fault because I know I have a problem and I know I have to fix it. Fin.
Anyway, I am hoping for the best for the conversation Taka and I will have next week. I also have been trying to mentally prepare for if he decides to bail:
I text him "I'm back in town." Only that to test if he even wants to meet. A day goes by and no reply. No reply the next. Day after day after day. What will I text him next? "We're still meeting up, right?" How far will it go. I need to promise myself that if after I ask to meet with him and he doesn't reply, that it's over. IT'S OVER. PLEASE PROMISE ME.
I promise, Nisha. I promise.
Sunday, March 25, 2018
Sunday, March 18, 2018
He's gone now....
Dear Nisha,
Yeah, I didn't know what else to call it. Taka dumped me. I was coming, but I didn't see it until it was too late.
I'm not sure how to feel.
Well, that's not true. I feel sad and horrible. But...like I haven't even written about him. I barely have any pictures of him. I was totally not invested in the relationship because I didn't think someone as hot and loving and funny as he could like me. I've never had a guy that one could consider "hot" actually say he liked me before.
And I didn't want to lose control of myself, and I didn't want him breaking my heart, and honestly, I didn't trust him because there was no way that someone like him could like someone like me.
And then Steven's dad got sick, my aunt got sick, my sister needed help with everything, my meds ran out and I was having a few pretty bad weeks. But rather than texting or calling him, I wanted him to call me. So I'd just send a bunch of sad emojis to him, and he's stressed out with finals, wishing I'd text him good luck etc. So it was all too much for him and he decided that it wouldn't work out between us. He just decided for us, and that was the end of it.
And then I go back and see how much he tried, how many 大好きs he'd send me, and face with heart eyes and ask me how my day was even though fell asleep and never responded.
And now that's exactly what I'm getting. And how can I blame him?
But I don't know what to do. It's easy when a guy breaks up for me to be like...ok, frig that. No more of that for me. But with Taka....I want it back so badly. I want to fix this very remedial problem. But of course I know it's a symptom of something larger. That Taka is whimsical and once he decided something, he has a hard time changing his mind. Liking me and not liking me included. And unfortunately, it's hard for me to talk to him when he's like that.
But we were learning. Didn't we figure out how to both enjoy birthday time with his friend and him go to the movies? Didn't we figure out how to deal with the bilingual business?
I feel so lost inside. I had this dream of something I really wanted and now it's gone. I should have saved his patience for when I was calmed the frig down, that's for sure.
Yeah, I didn't know what else to call it. Taka dumped me. I was coming, but I didn't see it until it was too late.
I'm not sure how to feel.
Well, that's not true. I feel sad and horrible. But...like I haven't even written about him. I barely have any pictures of him. I was totally not invested in the relationship because I didn't think someone as hot and loving and funny as he could like me. I've never had a guy that one could consider "hot" actually say he liked me before.
And I didn't want to lose control of myself, and I didn't want him breaking my heart, and honestly, I didn't trust him because there was no way that someone like him could like someone like me.
And then Steven's dad got sick, my aunt got sick, my sister needed help with everything, my meds ran out and I was having a few pretty bad weeks. But rather than texting or calling him, I wanted him to call me. So I'd just send a bunch of sad emojis to him, and he's stressed out with finals, wishing I'd text him good luck etc. So it was all too much for him and he decided that it wouldn't work out between us. He just decided for us, and that was the end of it.
And then I go back and see how much he tried, how many 大好きs he'd send me, and face with heart eyes and ask me how my day was even though fell asleep and never responded.
And now that's exactly what I'm getting. And how can I blame him?
But I don't know what to do. It's easy when a guy breaks up for me to be like...ok, frig that. No more of that for me. But with Taka....I want it back so badly. I want to fix this very remedial problem. But of course I know it's a symptom of something larger. That Taka is whimsical and once he decided something, he has a hard time changing his mind. Liking me and not liking me included. And unfortunately, it's hard for me to talk to him when he's like that.
But we were learning. Didn't we figure out how to both enjoy birthday time with his friend and him go to the movies? Didn't we figure out how to deal with the bilingual business?
I feel so lost inside. I had this dream of something I really wanted and now it's gone. I should have saved his patience for when I was calmed the frig down, that's for sure.
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