Hey Nisha,
Wanna make this really quick, cause I have to sleeeeeeep!
Sister came in today. I'm so happy to see her! Then we drove to Aaron's bday party.
Melissa, Aaron's ex (but not really??) informed me that I was Adam's best friend, which really surprised me cause I thought Nick would be his best friend or something. Aaron and I don't hang out like we're friends, I just make complicated plans and he joins me. A friend to me is someone that I can just call and be like, bro what are you doing right now? And we do something, you know? Aaron and I NEVER do that. Aaron has really only suggested plans one time ever and it was to come over to my house and watch A Very Potter Sequel, and we all know how well that went.
Anyway, Melissa is so skinny, it's kind of scary. But I know she does marathons and stuff, so maybe that's why she is? But despite this, I still got jealous cause Aaron started swing dancing with her. He's not so bad, maybe I just had too much inertia so he seemed worse than he really was the night he swung dance with me. Which made me feel bad about myself, especially since this one couple that was there started showing Aaron how to hold her by her neck and dip her. I'm so heavy that Aaron could never do that to me.
No one danced with me and it kind of sucked. Well, actually, Sissy danced with me! Until she got to sleepy to dance. She's got jetlag so she hit the bed pretty hard.
I also had lunch with Yuji. Blah. He's still emo.
Friday, June 30, 2017
Thursday, June 29, 2017
I do it for you
Yuji called today. Wanting to know about "our relationship." I get so stressed out when he calls, but a part of me keeps wishing that he might magically transform into the person that all his friends remember him being because it'd be really nice to be married and have kids with someone that can hold a steady job, is cute, and I can have fun with.
But he's so...I don't know. His whole motivation right now seems to be making me happy, but he never does anything that I want him to do to make me happy. Like literally the only thing I want from him is to start making good finacial sense. Return the random $500 phone you bought, use the money you have from your dad to pay off your $9000 in credit card debt, get a job. But instead, he's trying to make his house nice "for me." I don't even want to live in Sacremento. He's lost in his own little world and he just can't see it and it's driving me nuts. Because I want what he's offering so badly, but it's rancid, you know? It's another crazy guy who thinks I can save them, and I can't.
I was trying to get help concerning multi-line-truncate for artdeco from Hackmann, but Aaron overheard and offered his services instead. He commented that the only reason I had asked for Hackmann's help was to get his help, but I've kind of had it with Aaron. Not in a angry sort of way, just...I don't feel the drive to include him in my life like I once did. I can't depend on him and work and that was....it for me really. If I can't depend on him to return a slack message at work about work stuff so much that I have to go to someone else to get the job done, then I didn't want help from you anyway really.
I'm upset with myself for leaving so early today. I wanted to finish up the artdeco stuff based on what Aaron and I had talked about, but instead I went home and planned the trip to Iceland. I mean, that is also important. But now I'm sleepy. My parents I'm sure will be happy to know that it will be along time before I plan a trip overseas.
I'm excited to see my sister.@_@ yay!
But he's so...I don't know. His whole motivation right now seems to be making me happy, but he never does anything that I want him to do to make me happy. Like literally the only thing I want from him is to start making good finacial sense. Return the random $500 phone you bought, use the money you have from your dad to pay off your $9000 in credit card debt, get a job. But instead, he's trying to make his house nice "for me." I don't even want to live in Sacremento. He's lost in his own little world and he just can't see it and it's driving me nuts. Because I want what he's offering so badly, but it's rancid, you know? It's another crazy guy who thinks I can save them, and I can't.
I was trying to get help concerning multi-line-truncate for artdeco from Hackmann, but Aaron overheard and offered his services instead. He commented that the only reason I had asked for Hackmann's help was to get his help, but I've kind of had it with Aaron. Not in a angry sort of way, just...I don't feel the drive to include him in my life like I once did. I can't depend on him and work and that was....it for me really. If I can't depend on him to return a slack message at work about work stuff so much that I have to go to someone else to get the job done, then I didn't want help from you anyway really.
I'm upset with myself for leaving so early today. I wanted to finish up the artdeco stuff based on what Aaron and I had talked about, but instead I went home and planned the trip to Iceland. I mean, that is also important. But now I'm sleepy. My parents I'm sure will be happy to know that it will be along time before I plan a trip overseas.
I'm excited to see my sister.
Tuesday, June 27, 2017
Dance Dance Revolution
In the game room of Building 4, on the floor right above where I sit at work, we have a game room, and inside, next to the ping pong table, is a giant Dance Dance Revolution machine. On the days the Japan team doesn't play ping pong, I go upstairs to play DDR by myself.
Though my ex-husband and I used to play DDR everyday together in our two bedroom flat in Chicago on Polk St., I sometimes think about a different person when I play: this big bear of a man that used to stand behind me in Marching Band at NIU. He always wore this brown corduroy shirt that matched with his gigantic brown beard and brown mess of hair.
Since we stood next to each other, we'd often talk about our lives. I remember him mentioned how mad he was that his dad agonized over his lawn but then never let anyone step on it, never to enjoy the fun one can have on a well tended lawn.
The reason I think of him and Dance Dance Revolution is because one day, this piccolo player he had a crush on joined me for a game of DDR while we were on a band trip. When I told him about it, he was very surprised. We quickly figured out it was because he confused DDR with D&D, and the piccolo player probably doesn't play Dungeons & Dragons.
Well, he wasn't really my type, but being incredibly...what's the word...amorous? desirous? really wanting some make outs?...well, whatever it was, I took a shot and asked him out.
He told me I wasn't my type.
I just remembered his name....Eric Miller.
Though my ex-husband and I used to play DDR everyday together in our two bedroom flat in Chicago on Polk St., I sometimes think about a different person when I play: this big bear of a man that used to stand behind me in Marching Band at NIU. He always wore this brown corduroy shirt that matched with his gigantic brown beard and brown mess of hair.
Since we stood next to each other, we'd often talk about our lives. I remember him mentioned how mad he was that his dad agonized over his lawn but then never let anyone step on it, never to enjoy the fun one can have on a well tended lawn.
The reason I think of him and Dance Dance Revolution is because one day, this piccolo player he had a crush on joined me for a game of DDR while we were on a band trip. When I told him about it, he was very surprised. We quickly figured out it was because he confused DDR with D&D, and the piccolo player probably doesn't play Dungeons & Dragons.
Well, he wasn't really my type, but being incredibly...what's the word...amorous? desirous? really wanting some make outs?...well, whatever it was, I took a shot and asked him out.
He told me I wasn't my type.
I just remembered his name....Eric Miller.
Thursday, June 22, 2017
Stay Tonight
I've been feeling down lately. I guess everyone gets the blues sometimes, as they say. Maybe it's cause I'm tired, maybe it's cause of Yuji. I don't know.
Aaron crashed at my place yesterday. It was terribly awkward. Steven and my roommate Robert told us he was going to bed, and Aaron wanted to check out my room. Well, Steven and I are sharing a room, so he looked a mite surprised when he saw this. At that moment, I felt like all chance I had with him just went away in a wisp of smoke.
But what do I know, he's still screwing his ex-girlfriend. I asked him about it, after the movie ended and we wished Micheal goodbye. We're both embarrassed about our situation. I wanted to ask more, but he doesn't open up to me like he does to Nick. I'm not sure why he's embarrassed. I'm embarrassed because I don't want him to think that there's anyone else in the way of us being together.
He reminds me of Ian, in the way he pushes me to drink all the time. I realize, I don't like drinking. I really hate alcohol unless it's a chuhai. It's just....gross. I have to force myself, even if it's umeshu, because I hate sweet drinks now too, so no matter what alcohol is hard for me to stomach.
I wonder if that's how Yuji feels when I made him take his meds. We see no real benefit and our body doesn't want it in us. What is the difference really? Other than the fact that I've seen alcohol cause people to do stupid stuff, and gross stuff, and I get no benefit from it at all really. It just makes Aaron smile, and I really like when he smiles. But I think I'm over the alcohol. I can see a very real conversation that is hilarious that involves me just being like, "I don't drink! I like the feeling I have when I'm sober better!" And I tickle him until he gives in. Just an idea.
In all honestly, the only reason I'd want to get drunk is because I keep thinking that maybe he'd make out with me if I were drunk, which seems ridiculous and completely unsustainable. I hate alcohol.
Well, more updates on Yuji. The asshole offered me $400 Hamilton tickets. Great. You know, I'd like a guy who could buy me presents, if I didn't think he was hurting himself in order to get them. I wonder what I would do if I was manic. I love the manic feeling, you know. But I think that my friends could convince me that I might be bipolar if I had enough evidence. The question is, would my insane part accept it?
Maybe my insanse part is obsessed with acting normal so much that.....well, maybe I'm already bipolar and my obsession is being normal? Is that even possible? @_@
I'm clearly obsessed with bipolar way too much. I'm surrounded with it constantly it seems. How? Why? Thank god I don't have it. But for real, thank god. I mean, maybe I could handle it. But I'm happy working at LinkedIn right now. Nothing wrong with that!
Speaking of LinkedIn: I was stuck on this bug for like....well, not all the day, because most of the day was meeting, really long lunch with the guys, (annoying work stuff here), meeting where we basically talked about the suicide rate of Japan, and then me finally figuruing out hte problem that I was stuck on for like half an hour. And then I filled out expense reports. Granted, I probably shouldn't be wriging to you write now Nisha, since before when I was writign to you, it was to get my server running, but now I need to get work stuff done, so I should bid you adieu. But I did want to tell you, that while I had the same error and it meant that my framework wasn't linked properly to my ember app, this time it mean that I put my Sass function in the wrong scope.
Well, Nisha, see you soon!
Aaron crashed at my place yesterday. It was terribly awkward. Steven and my roommate Robert told us he was going to bed, and Aaron wanted to check out my room. Well, Steven and I are sharing a room, so he looked a mite surprised when he saw this. At that moment, I felt like all chance I had with him just went away in a wisp of smoke.
But what do I know, he's still screwing his ex-girlfriend. I asked him about it, after the movie ended and we wished Micheal goodbye. We're both embarrassed about our situation. I wanted to ask more, but he doesn't open up to me like he does to Nick. I'm not sure why he's embarrassed. I'm embarrassed because I don't want him to think that there's anyone else in the way of us being together.
He reminds me of Ian, in the way he pushes me to drink all the time. I realize, I don't like drinking. I really hate alcohol unless it's a chuhai. It's just....gross. I have to force myself, even if it's umeshu, because I hate sweet drinks now too, so no matter what alcohol is hard for me to stomach.
I wonder if that's how Yuji feels when I made him take his meds. We see no real benefit and our body doesn't want it in us. What is the difference really? Other than the fact that I've seen alcohol cause people to do stupid stuff, and gross stuff, and I get no benefit from it at all really. It just makes Aaron smile, and I really like when he smiles. But I think I'm over the alcohol. I can see a very real conversation that is hilarious that involves me just being like, "I don't drink! I like the feeling I have when I'm sober better!" And I tickle him until he gives in. Just an idea.
In all honestly, the only reason I'd want to get drunk is because I keep thinking that maybe he'd make out with me if I were drunk, which seems ridiculous and completely unsustainable. I hate alcohol.
Well, more updates on Yuji. The asshole offered me $400 Hamilton tickets. Great. You know, I'd like a guy who could buy me presents, if I didn't think he was hurting himself in order to get them. I wonder what I would do if I was manic. I love the manic feeling, you know. But I think that my friends could convince me that I might be bipolar if I had enough evidence. The question is, would my insane part accept it?
Maybe my insanse part is obsessed with acting normal so much that.....well, maybe I'm already bipolar and my obsession is being normal? Is that even possible? @_@
I'm clearly obsessed with bipolar way too much. I'm surrounded with it constantly it seems. How? Why? Thank god I don't have it. But for real, thank god. I mean, maybe I could handle it. But I'm happy working at LinkedIn right now. Nothing wrong with that!
Speaking of LinkedIn: I was stuck on this bug for like....well, not all the day, because most of the day was meeting, really long lunch with the guys, (annoying work stuff here), meeting where we basically talked about the suicide rate of Japan, and then me finally figuruing out hte problem that I was stuck on for like half an hour. And then I filled out expense reports. Granted, I probably shouldn't be wriging to you write now Nisha, since before when I was writign to you, it was to get my server running, but now I need to get work stuff done, so I should bid you adieu. But I did want to tell you, that while I had the same error and it meant that my framework wasn't linked properly to my ember app, this time it mean that I put my Sass function in the wrong scope.
Well, Nisha, see you soon!
Thursday, June 15, 2017
Blind
Hey, Nizha,
Can't really look at a computer right now. Just touch typing this to you right now. I got surgery yesteerday!
Basci wrap up: Neil and I have been fighting for the past couple of days, cause he has to see me so much I suppsed now that Mark is in the hospital. Had a conference with his close friends and his psychiatrist about the past. present, and future of his mental disease. Either way, Mark is getting to smuch better.
Sam called last night, Mar's very ery good friend. He wanted to take over Mar's finacial assets. Not take over really, sjust be a coosigner or soething? Idk. Mark in his mania had determined that this would be my repsondibilitiy. Which, I'ms ure scares Sam as he doesn't know me and I'm not entirely commited to being his "wife" , but I do want what's best for MAr and I' not entirely opposed to getting married to him. U just wish he wasore stable, which he' may very well be on his meds.
I got to seng the solo today. That was fun. With Andy. Aaron told James he wanted to try doing the solo, but that would require Nick or someone else to take over his beatboxing duties. It's not likely that he will be able to find someone else, but it would be a dream come true to do a duet with Aaron. I wish I could muster up the couprage to ask him how he feels about me. I love him so much n a way that is so perfect. It's not painful, just hopeful and excited. I've never felt this way about anyone.
I hope he really will go on vacation with me. I would dye of joy.
Anyway, sorry abou the typos. Again, I'm trying this almost completely blind. Figure it was more fun to not correct it afterwards when I can see again and just publish it as it. Not a bad job I think.
Can't really look at a computer right now. Just touch typing this to you right now. I got surgery yesteerday!
Basci wrap up: Neil and I have been fighting for the past couple of days, cause he has to see me so much I suppsed now that Mark is in the hospital. Had a conference with his close friends and his psychiatrist about the past. present, and future of his mental disease. Either way, Mark is getting to smuch better.
Sam called last night, Mar's very ery good friend. He wanted to take over Mar's finacial assets. Not take over really, sjust be a coosigner or soething? Idk. Mark in his mania had determined that this would be my repsondibilitiy. Which, I'ms ure scares Sam as he doesn't know me and I'm not entirely commited to being his "wife" , but I do want what's best for MAr and I' not entirely opposed to getting married to him. U just wish he wasore stable, which he' may very well be on his meds.
I got to seng the solo today. That was fun. With Andy. Aaron told James he wanted to try doing the solo, but that would require Nick or someone else to take over his beatboxing duties. It's not likely that he will be able to find someone else, but it would be a dream come true to do a duet with Aaron. I wish I could muster up the couprage to ask him how he feels about me. I love him so much n a way that is so perfect. It's not painful, just hopeful and excited. I've never felt this way about anyone.
I hope he really will go on vacation with me. I would dye of joy.
Anyway, sorry abou the typos. Again, I'm trying this almost completely blind. Figure it was more fun to not correct it afterwards when I can see again and just publish it as it. Not a bad job I think.
Tuesday, June 13, 2017
Furries
What up Nisha!
So.....I went to a furries meetup at the King of Clubs today with Nick. It was pretty fun. I met this dude name Cam who had horrible breath but bad a great attitude and was one of the better singers there. He kept insinuating that Nick and I were having sex, which unfortunately is not the case. You see...
It all began Friday. As you might remember, I was interrogating Nick about his open relationship and he whispered to me that he "Had sex with women." That's literally all he said. I was like...well that was uninteresting. But on the way home he invited me to the meet up, and I had high hopes for the night, to say the least.
Well, Monday comes along and when I ask him about it, he doesn't remember us ever taking about it from the drunken stupor I didn't realize he was in (he totally looks the same drunk or sober >_<) He gives me the info anyway, I tell him I'll meet him there.
Work is sucking. I've gotten all my RB's and the code seems to be error free, but every time I push to prod, my pcs fails, then my pcl fails. I don't know what's going on but I really wanted it fixed before my surgery tomorrow. I'm about to lose it with mint when Nick texts me to let me know he's there.
Well, I'm running late! I bike home as fast as I can, pick up my car to visit Yuji at the hospital first. He seems much better, but he seems to be trying to appease me more than anything....*sigh* As soon as I leave, who knows what will happen. They have him on 300mg of Lithium 3x a day. If 300mg is the lowest dose, 900mg is the highest. Chris is concerned that he's faking his compliance too, but even having the ability to fake it is a sign he's recovering.
Even as crazy as he is, I want to feel him against me, but I pull myself away, giving him a nice show in my Slythine school skirt, and head to Furreoke. Nick is texting me where I am.
He looks great, in a black button down and dark khakis. He's called up immediately and he does both girl and boy parts to that opening song in La La Land. I want to jump up and join him, but I figure, maybe he wants to sing both parts? Idk. It's hard to read him sometimes, and the only way I know he appreciates my friendship is consistent acceptance of my invites, and now this most recent invitation.
After the song is done, we start talking and I ask him about Friday. I ask him about the women that's he's 'had sex with.' He looks....like something? Again, can't read, but I sense somethings up. "Are you sure you didn't just assume?" I don't know what I'd be assuming in this instance. "No you literally said 'I had sex with women.' That's all you said." "That's half right and half wrong," he replied. "I don't know what I said, but I only had sex with men. Two guys. Patricia gets jealous so I can only have sex with men."
Well, there goes that plan.
Nick and I go outside to talk and I ask him about how he and Patricia met. He begins the story with three failed college relationships, and at the end of the third one, his face finally changes. Barely perceptible, but his smile isn't as tight, and his eye stop moving as much, fixed out in front of him. As he remembers the loneliness he feels at this time, I finally feel something from him. Bright blue sorrow as quiet as a pond.
The story ends there for now, because a wolf man who's name is rather complicated and so I have forgotten interrupted to introduce himself to me. Nick promised we'd get together again and he'd finish the story. I was supposed to remember a secret passphrase. "Iron Horse" or something? Without any ending, I make up my own: that he's with Patricia, because Patricia will always be with him. I wonder how happy he is. I wonder why he tells me this stuff? I wonder when he had a chance to tell Aaron? But I do know why he and I were drawn together. And I wonder what will happen from here.
So.....I went to a furries meetup at the King of Clubs today with Nick. It was pretty fun. I met this dude name Cam who had horrible breath but bad a great attitude and was one of the better singers there. He kept insinuating that Nick and I were having sex, which unfortunately is not the case. You see...
It all began Friday. As you might remember, I was interrogating Nick about his open relationship and he whispered to me that he "Had sex with women." That's literally all he said. I was like...well that was uninteresting. But on the way home he invited me to the meet up, and I had high hopes for the night, to say the least.
Well, Monday comes along and when I ask him about it, he doesn't remember us ever taking about it from the drunken stupor I didn't realize he was in (he totally looks the same drunk or sober >_<) He gives me the info anyway, I tell him I'll meet him there.
Work is sucking. I've gotten all my RB's and the code seems to be error free, but every time I push to prod, my pcs fails, then my pcl fails. I don't know what's going on but I really wanted it fixed before my surgery tomorrow. I'm about to lose it with mint when Nick texts me to let me know he's there.
Well, I'm running late! I bike home as fast as I can, pick up my car to visit Yuji at the hospital first. He seems much better, but he seems to be trying to appease me more than anything....*sigh* As soon as I leave, who knows what will happen. They have him on 300mg of Lithium 3x a day. If 300mg is the lowest dose, 900mg is the highest. Chris is concerned that he's faking his compliance too, but even having the ability to fake it is a sign he's recovering.
Even as crazy as he is, I want to feel him against me, but I pull myself away, giving him a nice show in my Slythine school skirt, and head to Furreoke. Nick is texting me where I am.
He looks great, in a black button down and dark khakis. He's called up immediately and he does both girl and boy parts to that opening song in La La Land. I want to jump up and join him, but I figure, maybe he wants to sing both parts? Idk. It's hard to read him sometimes, and the only way I know he appreciates my friendship is consistent acceptance of my invites, and now this most recent invitation.
After the song is done, we start talking and I ask him about Friday. I ask him about the women that's he's 'had sex with.' He looks....like something? Again, can't read, but I sense somethings up. "Are you sure you didn't just assume?" I don't know what I'd be assuming in this instance. "No you literally said 'I had sex with women.' That's all you said." "That's half right and half wrong," he replied. "I don't know what I said, but I only had sex with men. Two guys. Patricia gets jealous so I can only have sex with men."
Well, there goes that plan.
Nick and I go outside to talk and I ask him about how he and Patricia met. He begins the story with three failed college relationships, and at the end of the third one, his face finally changes. Barely perceptible, but his smile isn't as tight, and his eye stop moving as much, fixed out in front of him. As he remembers the loneliness he feels at this time, I finally feel something from him. Bright blue sorrow as quiet as a pond.
The story ends there for now, because a wolf man who's name is rather complicated and so I have forgotten interrupted to introduce himself to me. Nick promised we'd get together again and he'd finish the story. I was supposed to remember a secret passphrase. "Iron Horse" or something? Without any ending, I make up my own: that he's with Patricia, because Patricia will always be with him. I wonder how happy he is. I wonder why he tells me this stuff? I wonder when he had a chance to tell Aaron? But I do know why he and I were drawn together. And I wonder what will happen from here.
Monday, June 12, 2017
Ok, yeah, that never happened.
Sorry Nisha.
As you know, when the world is wonderful, I have a tendency to keep out of touch with those closest to me. Guess that means you. Now that things are crazy, of course I come back.
Well, let me give you a brief update at least, before I go into the usual relationship stuff. (I mean really, this blog is called "My boyfriend is Stupid." I guess its ok if its only about how my boyfriend is stupid >_<)
BUT FIRST. I'm working at LinkedIn!!! Can you believe it?! I'm on the Japan team, so I get to practice Japanese from time to time and I am surrounded by it at work. It is a dream come true! Food, friends, song. I get to sing with all my beautiful people!! I've met so many more too!
I have so much more to tell you, but don't worry. I'm doing this Habitica challenge that says I have to write to you every day, so I'll save that stuff for later. For now, let me tell you the immediate stuff.
I lost the letter I wrote to you on the back of a random envelope, so I'll have to summarize briefly the events of Friday.
As you know, I had my acapella concert performance with Internote. So many people came out to see me! Nick, Steven, Aaron, Thao, Rico, and I also invited Yuji. Well, Yuji was sitting quietly by himself on a sofa chair. I went to talk to him and he said he was drunk and doing fine just sitting. So I left my bag with him and gave him a hug and let him be.
The rest of us are having an amazing time singing songs and whatnot, and we're just about to head to nijikai when I can't find Yuji and I can't find my backpack. I mention this to Thao when the owner of the establishment comes and asks me if I'm looking for my husband. And at first, I tell him no, and think he's got the wrong person, but he pushes harder..."Skinny Asian dude? Carrying your backpack?" I will admit, Aaron was pouring drinks down my through in his usual "I want to get you drunk" fashion and though I am a self-proclaimed tea-totaler, I can not deny Aaron anything. So I was....a little dizzy. I mention this because I don't think I every really consciously figured out what was happening, but some instinctual being inside me figured it out and talked to the cops about why this man, who I had only met two months ago "on-line" had my backpack, afterwich I got to listen to them describe how he was threatening people with knives and calling people the N-word. I don't think he pulled a knife on anyone, or he would have been in a shit-ton more trouble, and that is relevant to what happened the next day.
But for now, we are currently dragging Yuji everywhere because Aaron and Nick and I want to hang out more (Steven has had it right now, but he's being amenable). We hop in a lyft, me leading Yuji the entire way. Yuji starts showing off his heirloom wedding rings that he will be giving me apparently. I get a shoulder massage from Aaron. Yuji is waffling from joy and jealously at this. "Go ahead. Thank you! Now I don't have to," he says to Aaron, and when I tell Aaron that it hurts too much, Yuji eggs him on "She loves it" he says. I'm not sure what to say, and am reveling in Aaron attention. We finally make it to tacos. Aaron says he's going to flirt with me to drive Yuji crazy, and though I would prefer not to drive Yuji crazy, I would love Aaron's attention, so I hesitantly agree. Aaron shoves a burrito in my mouth at this point, and I tell him about how I can't say no to anything he shoves in my mouth. It is momentarily, but deliciously awkward.
Aaron and Nick (and I, I regret to say) want to hang out more, so we head to a bar. Yuji tries to pick a fight with some muscle bound, tatted up dude with a Warriors jersey. He wants to know the score, he says. But he already knows the Warriors lost, the final game in a 13 game winning streak. He's just looking for trouble and Aaron and I pull him away. Aaron makes me carry his shit as we walk to the next place, so I make him carry my shit. But he gives it to Yuji and I quickly take it back, desperately trying to avoid a repeat of the concert episode. "Well played" Steven says, and I feel bad that maybe Yuji knows people are making fun of him. We get to the bar and Yuji tries to buy a beer, with the last $20 in his account. He asked me to stop him, and he conceded as I pulled the bill from his hand and handed him a Manga about Japanese history. It's in Japanese, and he is enthralled for the rest of the night. He also had unscrewed the spikes in his bracelet early on arrival, and I know he realizes what he's done, even though he still hasn't acknowledged it.
The rest of the night is uneventful. Aaron and Nick flirt with each other as I gawk happliy. Aaron begs me never to talk to Yuji ever again. We make plans to hang out during the upcoming week. We hop in a lyft, I query Nick and find out he's in an open relationship with his girlfriend, and finally we sing Hamilton show tunes until we make it back to my car.
The night is just about closing when Nick starts talking to me about my upcoming surgery, hinting that he likes his women wearing glasses, and Yuji starts making fun of Nick for having a crush on me. I don't know if he does, but Yuji certainly thinks he does. Nick invites me to furry karaoke meet up on Monday, so I look forward to asking him then. I have a little bit of a thing for Nick too. Not madly in love like I am for Aaron. But on the same level as Steven. If he was single, I would happily snatch him up in an instant and be perfectly content. I like Patricia too much though to ever want to come between them.....so this open relationship thing....is an interesting development.
BUT... PART II
Saturday morning rolls around, and in my dreams I finally realize that Yuji is suffering from Mania and I need to contact his friends right away. I don't know how to contact them short of facebook, and I see that Chris has already friended me. At first, I'm surprised. Either I made a really strong impression, or he just facebook friends everyone he meets.
But no. He's friended me for the same reason I've friended him. He was waiting for me to contact him so we could talk about Yuji. Immediately we're forming a plan to get him to the hospital. Steven has a police friend whos wife has gone bipolar and has some advice for us. We wait for him to come home, as he has decided after we got home at 3am, to take the 3hr trip to Sacramento. He tries to knock on Chris's parents door who are too scared to let him in. And eventually sleeps at his friends Kenji's place, though he has a bed at his home in Sacramento. After a few hours of sleep, he drives back.
He's finally home at 4pm Saturday, texting Chris and I "please" over and over again He wants help. So I tell him we're going to take him to the hospital. I tell him Chris is coming. He agrees.
Chris and I head to his apartment. I want to wait in the car, but Chris thinks we should go inside. We find Yuji pacing and confused. He wants his roommate to talk to us about something. I just want to grab Yuji and go, but Andrew seems put on the spot so I listen patiently. Some stuff was stolen from Andrew's room, apparently. The first place my mind goes to was the drug dealer addicts that he's been letting "clean" his house. The first place Yuji mind goes is to the landlord who he insists has it out for him and is dangerous and will kill us all. Suddenly all the times he's talked about the landlord make sense; it's the manic paranoia.
I tell him we're going to the hospital and he loses it with Chris and starts screaming at him. I start to move toward Yuji to switch his attention. Yuji wants me to take care of him. I tell him we're going to the hospital and he goes to his room for his flip-flops. Suddenly he begins to sob. I hold him, and rub his head. He knows he's going crazy, but the crazy part of him wants to stay that way. It's a battle as they try to become one, as they try to reconcile the existence of the other. Unfortunately, while Yuji might want himself and the crazy to coexist, the crazy only wants itself. The promises he makes are the only things keeping him tied to reality.
He's mad we're going to the hospital. But he said he would go. He's mad that Chris is here, but he said it was ok. He doesn't think he's crazy, but he told me he was going ballistic in a text message I have right here. The only thing he trusts is himself, so I need to keep him focused on that.
And me. Always me. Chris is amazed by how calm he becomes, how agreeable to the whole process he becomes when I'm around. It's way too much pressure. He sees me as the whole world to him. But I'm just one woman, who has to struggle with her own daemons every day. And now I have his. I don't know what to do, so I just keep doing it.
We get him to the hospital, we exchange stories. I meet these images that have suddenly become real people and we start making sense of everything Yuji has been telling us. Did you say yes when he proposed? Which time? The first time he did, I told him I though he was manic and he agreed. The second time, I told him he needed to get his shit together before we could think about stuff like that. The third, fourth, fifth time? Fuck if I can remember. Did you offer to pay for all the tuxedos? No. I wanted to help Yuji pay for his, but he spammed the group thread and then my hands became tied. How much did he pay the drug dealers to help him "move"? $2000? $400? Are they his friends or not? Does he have insurance or not. Do you think he's crazy or not?
Yuji's whole world has become a kaleidoscope of colors. Reality bending and morphing and reflecting at odd angles. And while his friends can finally see that the tapestry is spinning, Yuji is still inside, his head changing with every changing pattern as if it was the one before.
The only thing he is sure about is that he loves me at the expense of all else. But that power is only as good as he makes it. I can only tell him to do what he asks me to tell him to do. It his last bit of himself he has thrown out to save him from his own monsters. He's made me the one mirror he can trust.
At long last he takes his lithium. I leave him two books, his psyduck, and a kiss on the forehead before me and the other Chris make our way back home.
The next day, my dad called, but it's getting late, and that is a story for another time.
As you know, when the world is wonderful, I have a tendency to keep out of touch with those closest to me. Guess that means you. Now that things are crazy, of course I come back.
Well, let me give you a brief update at least, before I go into the usual relationship stuff. (I mean really, this blog is called "My boyfriend is Stupid." I guess its ok if its only about how my boyfriend is stupid >_<)
BUT FIRST. I'm working at LinkedIn!!! Can you believe it?! I'm on the Japan team, so I get to practice Japanese from time to time and I am surrounded by it at work. It is a dream come true! Food, friends, song. I get to sing with all my beautiful people!! I've met so many more too!
I have so much more to tell you, but don't worry. I'm doing this Habitica challenge that says I have to write to you every day, so I'll save that stuff for later. For now, let me tell you the immediate stuff.
I lost the letter I wrote to you on the back of a random envelope, so I'll have to summarize briefly the events of Friday.
As you know, I had my acapella concert performance with Internote. So many people came out to see me! Nick, Steven, Aaron, Thao, Rico, and I also invited Yuji. Well, Yuji was sitting quietly by himself on a sofa chair. I went to talk to him and he said he was drunk and doing fine just sitting. So I left my bag with him and gave him a hug and let him be.
The rest of us are having an amazing time singing songs and whatnot, and we're just about to head to nijikai when I can't find Yuji and I can't find my backpack. I mention this to Thao when the owner of the establishment comes and asks me if I'm looking for my husband. And at first, I tell him no, and think he's got the wrong person, but he pushes harder..."Skinny Asian dude? Carrying your backpack?" I will admit, Aaron was pouring drinks down my through in his usual "I want to get you drunk" fashion and though I am a self-proclaimed tea-totaler, I can not deny Aaron anything. So I was....a little dizzy. I mention this because I don't think I every really consciously figured out what was happening, but some instinctual being inside me figured it out and talked to the cops about why this man, who I had only met two months ago "on-line" had my backpack, afterwich I got to listen to them describe how he was threatening people with knives and calling people the N-word. I don't think he pulled a knife on anyone, or he would have been in a shit-ton more trouble, and that is relevant to what happened the next day.
But for now, we are currently dragging Yuji everywhere because Aaron and Nick and I want to hang out more (Steven has had it right now, but he's being amenable). We hop in a lyft, me leading Yuji the entire way. Yuji starts showing off his heirloom wedding rings that he will be giving me apparently. I get a shoulder massage from Aaron. Yuji is waffling from joy and jealously at this. "Go ahead. Thank you! Now I don't have to," he says to Aaron, and when I tell Aaron that it hurts too much, Yuji eggs him on "She loves it" he says. I'm not sure what to say, and am reveling in Aaron attention. We finally make it to tacos. Aaron says he's going to flirt with me to drive Yuji crazy, and though I would prefer not to drive Yuji crazy, I would love Aaron's attention, so I hesitantly agree. Aaron shoves a burrito in my mouth at this point, and I tell him about how I can't say no to anything he shoves in my mouth. It is momentarily, but deliciously awkward.
Aaron and Nick (and I, I regret to say) want to hang out more, so we head to a bar. Yuji tries to pick a fight with some muscle bound, tatted up dude with a Warriors jersey. He wants to know the score, he says. But he already knows the Warriors lost, the final game in a 13 game winning streak. He's just looking for trouble and Aaron and I pull him away. Aaron makes me carry his shit as we walk to the next place, so I make him carry my shit. But he gives it to Yuji and I quickly take it back, desperately trying to avoid a repeat of the concert episode. "Well played" Steven says, and I feel bad that maybe Yuji knows people are making fun of him. We get to the bar and Yuji tries to buy a beer, with the last $20 in his account. He asked me to stop him, and he conceded as I pulled the bill from his hand and handed him a Manga about Japanese history. It's in Japanese, and he is enthralled for the rest of the night. He also had unscrewed the spikes in his bracelet early on arrival, and I know he realizes what he's done, even though he still hasn't acknowledged it.
The rest of the night is uneventful. Aaron and Nick flirt with each other as I gawk happliy. Aaron begs me never to talk to Yuji ever again. We make plans to hang out during the upcoming week. We hop in a lyft, I query Nick and find out he's in an open relationship with his girlfriend, and finally we sing Hamilton show tunes until we make it back to my car.
The night is just about closing when Nick starts talking to me about my upcoming surgery, hinting that he likes his women wearing glasses, and Yuji starts making fun of Nick for having a crush on me. I don't know if he does, but Yuji certainly thinks he does. Nick invites me to furry karaoke meet up on Monday, so I look forward to asking him then. I have a little bit of a thing for Nick too. Not madly in love like I am for Aaron. But on the same level as Steven. If he was single, I would happily snatch him up in an instant and be perfectly content. I like Patricia too much though to ever want to come between them.....so this open relationship thing....is an interesting development.
BUT... PART II
Saturday morning rolls around, and in my dreams I finally realize that Yuji is suffering from Mania and I need to contact his friends right away. I don't know how to contact them short of facebook, and I see that Chris has already friended me. At first, I'm surprised. Either I made a really strong impression, or he just facebook friends everyone he meets.
But no. He's friended me for the same reason I've friended him. He was waiting for me to contact him so we could talk about Yuji. Immediately we're forming a plan to get him to the hospital. Steven has a police friend whos wife has gone bipolar and has some advice for us. We wait for him to come home, as he has decided after we got home at 3am, to take the 3hr trip to Sacramento. He tries to knock on Chris's parents door who are too scared to let him in. And eventually sleeps at his friends Kenji's place, though he has a bed at his home in Sacramento. After a few hours of sleep, he drives back.
He's finally home at 4pm Saturday, texting Chris and I "please" over and over again He wants help. So I tell him we're going to take him to the hospital. I tell him Chris is coming. He agrees.
Chris and I head to his apartment. I want to wait in the car, but Chris thinks we should go inside. We find Yuji pacing and confused. He wants his roommate to talk to us about something. I just want to grab Yuji and go, but Andrew seems put on the spot so I listen patiently. Some stuff was stolen from Andrew's room, apparently. The first place my mind goes to was the drug dealer addicts that he's been letting "clean" his house. The first place Yuji mind goes is to the landlord who he insists has it out for him and is dangerous and will kill us all. Suddenly all the times he's talked about the landlord make sense; it's the manic paranoia.
I tell him we're going to the hospital and he loses it with Chris and starts screaming at him. I start to move toward Yuji to switch his attention. Yuji wants me to take care of him. I tell him we're going to the hospital and he goes to his room for his flip-flops. Suddenly he begins to sob. I hold him, and rub his head. He knows he's going crazy, but the crazy part of him wants to stay that way. It's a battle as they try to become one, as they try to reconcile the existence of the other. Unfortunately, while Yuji might want himself and the crazy to coexist, the crazy only wants itself. The promises he makes are the only things keeping him tied to reality.
He's mad we're going to the hospital. But he said he would go. He's mad that Chris is here, but he said it was ok. He doesn't think he's crazy, but he told me he was going ballistic in a text message I have right here. The only thing he trusts is himself, so I need to keep him focused on that.
And me. Always me. Chris is amazed by how calm he becomes, how agreeable to the whole process he becomes when I'm around. It's way too much pressure. He sees me as the whole world to him. But I'm just one woman, who has to struggle with her own daemons every day. And now I have his. I don't know what to do, so I just keep doing it.
We get him to the hospital, we exchange stories. I meet these images that have suddenly become real people and we start making sense of everything Yuji has been telling us. Did you say yes when he proposed? Which time? The first time he did, I told him I though he was manic and he agreed. The second time, I told him he needed to get his shit together before we could think about stuff like that. The third, fourth, fifth time? Fuck if I can remember. Did you offer to pay for all the tuxedos? No. I wanted to help Yuji pay for his, but he spammed the group thread and then my hands became tied. How much did he pay the drug dealers to help him "move"? $2000? $400? Are they his friends or not? Does he have insurance or not. Do you think he's crazy or not?
Yuji's whole world has become a kaleidoscope of colors. Reality bending and morphing and reflecting at odd angles. And while his friends can finally see that the tapestry is spinning, Yuji is still inside, his head changing with every changing pattern as if it was the one before.
The only thing he is sure about is that he loves me at the expense of all else. But that power is only as good as he makes it. I can only tell him to do what he asks me to tell him to do. It his last bit of himself he has thrown out to save him from his own monsters. He's made me the one mirror he can trust.
At long last he takes his lithium. I leave him two books, his psyduck, and a kiss on the forehead before me and the other Chris make our way back home.
The next day, my dad called, but it's getting late, and that is a story for another time.
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