Stay Tonight

I've been feeling down lately. I guess everyone gets the blues sometimes, as they say. Maybe it's cause I'm tired, maybe it's cause of Yuji. I don't know.

Aaron crashed at my place yesterday. It was terribly awkward. Steven and my roommate Robert told us he was going to bed, and Aaron wanted to check out my room. Well, Steven and I are sharing a room, so he looked a mite surprised when he saw this. At that moment, I felt like all chance I had with him just went away in a wisp of smoke.

But what do I know, he's still screwing his ex-girlfriend. I asked him about it, after the movie ended and we wished Micheal goodbye. We're both embarrassed about our situation. I wanted to ask more, but he doesn't open up to me like he does to Nick.  I'm not sure why he's embarrassed. I'm embarrassed because I don't want him to think that there's anyone else in the way of us being together.

He reminds me of Ian, in the way he pushes me to drink all the time. I realize, I don't like drinking. I really hate alcohol unless it's a chuhai. It's just....gross. I have to force myself, even if it's umeshu, because I hate sweet drinks now too, so no matter what alcohol is hard for me to stomach.

I wonder if that's how Yuji feels when I made him take his meds. We see no real benefit and our body doesn't want it in us. What is the difference really? Other than the fact that I've seen alcohol cause people to do stupid stuff, and gross stuff, and I get no benefit from it at all really. It just makes Aaron smile, and I really like when he smiles. But I think I'm over the alcohol. I can see a very real conversation that is hilarious that involves me just being like, "I don't drink! I like the feeling I have when I'm sober better!" And I tickle him until he gives in. Just an idea.

In all honestly, the only reason I'd want to get drunk is because I keep thinking that maybe he'd make out with me if I were drunk, which seems ridiculous and completely unsustainable. I hate alcohol.

Well, more updates on Yuji. The asshole offered me $400 Hamilton tickets. Great. You know, I'd like a guy who could buy me presents, if I didn't think he was hurting himself in order to get them. I wonder what I would do if I was manic. I love the manic feeling, you know. But I think that my friends could convince me that I might be bipolar if I had enough evidence. The question is, would my insane part accept it?

Maybe my insanse part is obsessed with acting normal so much that.....well, maybe I'm already bipolar and my obsession is being normal? Is that even possible? @_@

I'm clearly obsessed with bipolar way too much. I'm surrounded with it constantly it seems. How? Why? Thank god I don't have it. But for real, thank god. I mean, maybe I could handle it. But I'm happy working at LinkedIn right now. Nothing wrong with that!

Speaking of LinkedIn: I was stuck on this bug for like....well, not all the day, because most of the day was meeting, really long lunch with the guys, (annoying work stuff here), meeting where we basically talked about the suicide rate of Japan, and then me finally figuruing out hte problem that I was stuck on for like half an hour. And then I filled out expense reports. Granted, I probably shouldn't be wriging to you write now Nisha, since before when I was writign to you, it was to get my server running, but now I need to get work stuff done, so I should bid you adieu. But I did want to tell you, that while I had the same error and it meant that my framework wasn't linked properly to my ember app, this time it mean that I put my Sass function in the wrong scope.

Well, Nisha, see you soon!