Thursday, June 29, 2017

I do it for you

Yuji called today. Wanting to know about "our relationship." I get so stressed out when he calls, but a part of me keeps wishing that he might magically transform into the person that all his friends remember him being because it'd be really nice to be married and have kids with someone that can hold a steady job, is cute, and I can have fun with.

But he's so...I don't know. His whole motivation right now seems to be making me happy, but he never does anything that I want him to do to make me happy. Like literally the only thing I want from him is to start making good finacial sense. Return the random $500 phone you bought, use the money you have from your dad to pay off your $9000 in credit card debt, get a job. But instead, he's trying to make his house nice "for me." I don't even want to live in Sacremento. He's lost in his own little world and he just can't see it and it's driving me nuts. Because I want what he's offering so badly, but it's rancid, you know? It's another crazy guy who thinks I can save them, and I can't.

I was trying to get help concerning multi-line-truncate for artdeco from Hackmann, but Aaron overheard and offered his services instead. He commented that the only reason I had asked for Hackmann's help was to get his help, but I've kind of had it with Aaron. Not in a angry sort of way, just...I don't feel the drive to include him in my life like I once did.  I can't depend on him and work and that was....it for me really. If I can't depend on him to return a slack message at work about work stuff so much that I have to go to someone else to get the job done, then I didn't want help from you anyway really.

I'm upset with myself for leaving so early today. I wanted to finish up the artdeco stuff based on what Aaron and I had talked about, but instead I went home and planned the trip to Iceland. I mean, that is also important. But now I'm sleepy. My parents I'm sure will be happy to know that it will be along time before I plan a trip overseas.

I'm excited to see my sister. @_@ yay!

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